The Lazarus Mouse

Sunday


Jesus came today while I was playing in the yard.

My hands were all dirt and sand so I didn't offer him a handshake like you're supposed to.

He had on his white robes, just like in the pictures, and he walked like there was nothin’ to it.

You'd never have guessed he'd been dead an' all.

Real dead. Dead where your eyes can't follow the light no more and your mouth just hangs.

His mouth was smiling, but he didn't say nothin’.

Inside, Momma was rockin’ the baby. Dodi was crying and crying but I had to tell what I saw.

Momma said I was lying. That Jesus ain’t coming to Coyanosa any time soon.

But she didn't see him.

Next time he comes, I'll holler.



Monday


My friends at school didn't believe me neither.

We had show and tell, where we stand in front of the whole class and talk about our weekend.

I told ‘em it was the same as any other, 'cept for Jesus.

Tommy Lindsay pointed at me and asked how come we weren't at church Sunday, that we ain’t been since the end of last year.

My teacher, Mr Churley, a nervous sorta fella, seemed to curl into himself.

December was when my daddy died.

"Why would Jesus show up at yer house? Doesn't make alotta sense t'me."

"He can show up where he likes", I said. But they kept on squawking anyhow.

I flapped my arms like a laying hen ‘til they shut their mouths.

"I'll prove it to you. He'll come see all of us."

Mr Churley told me enough, told to sit down and be quiet.

"He'll be in the playground after final bell. Y'hear?"

The next few hours were stones skipping across the Pecos river, bouncing and bouncing but not quite gettin' nowhere.

The kids in my class whispered loud so I could hear.

She's crazy, just like her Pa.

I heard her whole family's headed straight for the asylum.

What's an asylum?

You know. Some place they don't let you out, least til they can fix your brain.

Then she ain’t never gonna leave.

I turned to face the window, but my reflection didn’t comfort me none. There was a streak of dirt on the side of my nose that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard I rubbed. I saw then, it was the glass that was dirty, not me. I stared right through.

The slide out back shone 'neath the white hot sun. I knew it was bound t'be pure hellfire on bare legs.

Down below was a patch of sand to soften your landing. In the shadow of the slide I caught a glimpse of a small grey foot sticking outta the sand.

I knew just what to do. I knew what he was gonna do, all he needed was a prop. Like in our school nativity. There'd have been no baby Jesus if Mrs Crane hadn't loaned us that sack of flour, even if there were beetles crawling up inside its guts.

When the bell came alive, so did I, jumpin' from my seat and racing off t'ward the playground. The thing was dead when I scooped it up, but the maggots hadn't gotten to it yet.

The class gathered around me, even those I was sure would run straight home and snitch to their parents. God fearin’. That’s what Momma called them.

"So?" It was the tallest of the bunch. "When's he gonna get here?"

I had no answer, ‘cept to stand there.

We waited a couple minutes while the sun gave us grief. Some of the kids would get a beatin' if they didn't make it home on time, or meet their brother on the corner by the Dispensary. And I would get their dose of beatin'.

I can't tell you how, but I knew Jesus was gonna come. It had been the same in the yard. The air pressing down and the ground turning soft as smoke while everything around it stuck still. Like the whole town was just some backdrop in a Western.

Tommy Lindsay opened his big fish mouth to call me a liar, but he never did say the word. They were all staring hard, staring past me.

He had come, just like I said. And he was smiling his Saviour Smile.

I moved silently, holding the mouse at arm's length. Jesus knelt so that he would not parent over me. His face was still, like a doll's. He took the mouse, they could all see it was a dead thing, and covered it with his hand.

We all just about lost our senses when the creature poked its head out between his thumb and pointin' finger, and came to settle on his sleeve.

One of the kids cried out for me to catch him, that we could take him to Mr Churley for a class mascot.

I crept after the little guy, who had leapt onto the grass verge nearby, and he slowed for me.

Crouching low and steady, I looked up at Jesus. His face was so smooth, almost a mask. He smiled his Saviour Smile, but this time there was a flicker, like a TV when its wires get crossed.

I could be sure no one else saw what I saw. They were far too busy taking turns to pet the mouse, before hurrying him inside, curious what our teacher would make of his resurrectin'.

I thanked Jesus. Not for the mouse, but for takin' away my crazy.

He didn't say nothin', but his face flickered again. Fuzzin' like flies swarming a hunk of meat. 

For a moment, I peeked behind the mask. It was darker than dreaming of blindness and waking in your empty bed. It was worse than havin' no family at all.


Saturday

I keep on thinking I can hear Dodi crying.

She always cries for food around midnight. But there ain’t no Dodi to be cryin'. There's only me and Momma, and she's just standin' there staring. Her arms swaddling air.

I told her he was back, but she didn't believe me. Not until she saw his face, and the great thing lifting outta the dirt like an airplane risin' from a jungle wreck. Not until she saw beyond the saviour smile into the darkest space there ever was.

She's talkin' now, but it doesn't make much sense t'me. Keeps on repeating my Daddy's name. Does she think he can hear her, all the way out there?

Tomorrow's Sunday. Maybe we'll go to church. I think he'd like that.

The Glutton Club

Midmorning and a crowd have started to gather.

We know why we’re here, the exclusives. 

We’re here to see the final, lingering remnant of God’s oldest and truest design. He gave us dominion and this...this is the result of our taking. 

She stands there, naked but for a few sparse patches of fur, the kind of grueling patchwork you might see on a pup with mange. Only, there’s nothing wrong with her. This is how she was born, a little misshapen, a little ugly. She is all we have left, and we are trying to be grateful. 

“Hermogena Calespecia, the last of her kind. Isn’t she beautiful?” The Speaker stands before her cell, his bright green eyes welling up behind clear rimmed spectacles. 

There’s no wired fence, no cage. Just walls of glass, a stainless-steel food chute. I hope more than anything that we will see her feed, but the Speaker seems in a rush for the two of them to be alone. 

“Now, you’ll only have a few moments to take your photographs, and remember, no flash. I would encourage you all to make as many notes as you can, to soak up every little detail. How does she move, how does she stand, what’s her breathing like? This will all be history...” He says, lips struggling to shape that final word.
 
“Soon, it will just be us.” The Speaker nods, making eye contact with me for one brief, unnecessary moment.

You’re right, I think. Soon it will just be us. Us and the flies. 

My stomach gives a low rumble. This must be how the Earth feels under our incessant trampling. 

I wet my lips, and the sound of blinking shutters tickles my ears like the wings of a thousand tiny insects. It wouldn’t surprise me to find a few of them buzzing around our heads. After all, they only have us left to bother now. 

Hands scribble furiously, mouths spit inaudible dictations onto misted phone screens, and I stand, watching, waiting, committing her to memory. The Speaker sees me, and I hope he can read my thoughts. I open my mind to him, the edges peeling away like overripe fruit, its juices spilling forward, leaving us wide eyed and glossy. 

When I blink, the crowd are being ushered away from her cell. Time to leave. Corralled by the tide of bodies, I find myself swept towards the Speaker, his chin raised in a look of expectation. When he speaks, his dulcet tone barely carries.  

I strain to hear him when he says, “I know what you want.”

No, you don’t, I think. How could you possibly know? 

He doesn’t wait for me to correct him.  

“Like all the others, you want to save her.” The Speaker is starting to soften. He smiles weakly. “You want to see her in the wild, as God intended. You want to set her free.” 

My lips curve upward, mimicking his own. 

“And you...?” I ask. “What do you want?” 

He turns away. We’re both watching her now, and as always, she remains oblivious, spine hunched as she folds her body into sleep. 

“I want what’s best for her.” The Speaker says, his lenses bearing the reflection of a small, pale mound. “I want what’s best for us all.” 

---

For a while, I toyed with the idea of letting him go gently, clutching those painful ideologies to his chest like a child’s bouquet. But that didn’t seem just. 

Animals know when their time has come, they sense it like the rogue scent of prey, or the silent groan before a dam is set to burst. Their eyes may plead, but only for a second. Instinct tells them it is time to go, and they do not fight to stay here with us. 

There’s a newspaper clipping pinned to the corkboard in the Speaker’s study. I try not to let my eyes wander over the smudged text. After all, I’ve read it before. But the words are beginning to pulse now, and they don’t stop until I pluck the square of paper from the wall. 

‘Members of the recently infiltrated Glutton Club met tonight at an undisclosed location to talk with The Shropshire Star. Although the group’s leader, the infamous Lester Mulvaney, remains incarcerated for the foreseeable future, we were able to talk to some of its other members. A man in his thirties who refused to give his name referred to Mulvaney as a missionary, stating that “the club was founded on Darwinian beliefs” and that “Evolution is not only to be observed, but also tasted”...’ 

I feel the paper crumpling in my hand. 

No, I think. No more of this. 

It’s enough to be misquoted once, but twice...   

With the Speaker’s pass card tucked neatly into my breast pocket; I make my way back to the lab. I look enough like him that this shouldn’t be a struggle. Upon my initial examination of surveillance footage, the security guard doesn’t seem the type to distinguish between faces. For weeks he’s been sitting at his post, feet propped up on the desk, swatting flies from his face and neck. 

I feel bad for him in a way. He doesn’t know what he’s guarding. 

But when I reach the desk, it’s empty. I lean over the counter just far enough to see that the computer’s been left unlocked, and there’s a walkie-talkie next to the mouse. It beeps once, then surrenders to static. 

This guy is a little dim yes, unobservant, but focused enough on his wage not to disregard the job entirely. Something isn’t right here.

Turning my attention to the monitors on the far wall, an image draws my eye. All the screens show normal activity, there are several empty bathrooms, the central laboratory, and the Speaker’s office. Then the Show Room flickers into view, the glass cell illuminated as if by lightning. She sits there, wide awake, her black eyes staring down the lens. But she is not alone. 

A crowd has once again gathered, though this time, like me, I don’t believe they were invited. 

My hunger all but dissipates, replaced by a rage so strong it threatens my vision. If anything could bring me to tears it would be this, the sheer audacity of it. I’ve got to stop them; they have to know their place.  

The hallways are a blur, the overhead lights triggered by my footsteps. I scan the pass card twice before I realize the door is already open. When I enter, no one bats an eye. They’re pushing themselves right up against the walls of her cell, their breath fogging the glass. There’s a low hum, like flies swarming rotten flesh. Yearning, I remember, has no vocabulary. It simply moans. 

“What are you doing?” I ask, struggling to rise above the noise. 

A few heads turn. Some of the faces I recognize from this morning, journalists with deep set eyes, their skin marbled with sweat. Near the front of the crowd, the security guard eyes me for a moment. His jaw slackens, a web of saliva mapping two lines from his lower lip to the tip of his chin. 

My stomach clenches. How dare they dishonor her like this! 

“We couldn’t wait any longer.” Says the guard, facing away from me. 

Hands reach out, tugging at the food chute. It opens, but there’s not nearly enough room for an arm, let alone a body, to pass through. In frustration, the hum transcends into pining, then a deep growl, fists begin to pound against the glass.  

As the guard brings his nightstick up above his head, I push my way through the mob, grabbing his wrist and forcing him back. 

“NO!” I cry, breathing through gritted teeth. “You can’t do this, you-” 

The guard stops me in my tracks, swinging the truncheon like a Neanderthal would a club. He strikes my temple once, twice, before I fall back, my ears filled with the sound of my own blood, and the unmistakable shattering of glass. 

I cannot hear their feet as they trample one another, but I can feel the earth around me shake. They’re standing on my hands, my ankles. The pain eludes me. All I can do now is watch the scene above me, grey hands shoveling scraps of meat into blood stained mouths. Everything is red and wild and glossy, a perfect vision I once longed to savor, now sullied by their debauchery. 

For a short time, it stays like this. The frenzy of it. Until their jaws begin to slow, and their hands grow empty. But that fire in their eyes, it doesn’t leave, it barely simmers. Soon they’re seeking each other out beneath the artificial lights, the slow dance wrestling of their bodies turning her cell into a coliseum, the floor sealed with blood. 

Before long, they will remember I am here, and their hands will find me spread out among the spray of glass. I close my eyes and imagine her feeding on a bundle of hay. Her teeth graze my skin, and I feel everything.